Which way now "Watson"

~Jack Schitt~
In Case You Don't Know

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc.

They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children.

Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giiva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parent's objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.

However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.

She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.

Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd,and Hoarse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.

He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them.

Family History Recorded By Crock O.Schitt.

~Try your Math~
Figure This

If a cow and a calf.
Eat a pumpkin and a half.
In a day and a half.
How many will they eat.
In a week.

No need to "Milk"

~Carnation Milk~

The best in the land,
Comes to you in a red and white can,
No cows to milk, no hay to pitch,
Just punch a hole in the Son Of A....

~The Conversation~

A man boards an airplane and takes his seat.

As he settles in, he glances up and sees a most beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat.

A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him.

Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turns, smiles and says, "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."

Whoa ! ! ! He swallows hard and  is instantly CRAZED with excitement.

Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him and she's going to a meeting of Nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?"

She says, "Lecturer. I use my experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he says, swallowing hard, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent."

Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes.

"I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"

"Tonto. Tonto Goldstein." the man says as he extends his hand.

How about a "People Shoot"

~Redneck Obituary~

A woman from the deepest, most southern part of Arkansas goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written.

The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word.

She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read, 'Billy Bob died.'"

  Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries."

 Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read,

'Billy Bob died - 1983 Chevy Pickup for sale.'

~Know Why~
Witches Don't Have Babys


~OK Ladys~
Shorten the rod Or lengthen the legs

When Ralph first noticed that his privates were growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife.

But after several weeks his private part had grown to nearly twenty inches.

Ralph became quite concerned, so he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.

After an initial examination, the physician explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be cured through corrective surgery.

"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.

"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.

"Well," said the wife coldly, "you're planning to lengthen Ralph's legs, aren't you ?"

~My Grandpa Said~

"IF You" Don't tell a lie,
You don't have to remember,
What You said.

Please stop the "Treadmill"